Stripped!
"Don't you ever judge me by what I do! Ever. I am a stripper, yea, but I am using that money to put my son through private school. I started stripping to take care of him. He doesn't deserve a shabby life all because I was a dumb kid that made bad choices. He deserves the best. So I do what I have to do. I make good money." Some woman screamed from the television set.
"But he can't look up to that. One day you will have to tell him what you did to make that money. You could do other things. You are going to have to tell him what you did for money, " replied another television personality. The implication that all money isn't good was where the person was headed with the conversation.
I was watching reality television with my mother, The General. This term of endearment came from our St. Louis days. She was admired around our neighborhood and received compliments on how well behaved her children were whenever we were out in public representing her. We pretty much marched in a straight line even when she wasn't present. That reason among an array of colorful other reasons yielded her the title 'The General.'
We watched the series and folded clothes together. This type of reality television was new at the time. It was the beginning of the Flavor of Love Era of television. I was about eighteen years old or so. I can't recall which show I was watching at the time but I know that it doesn't come on television anymore. We were plugged in. The scene was emotional and intense.
"He is a kid and he doesn't know anything. He knows he goes to a nice school. He knows that he has nice stuff. He knows that I am providing a good life for him. And you know what, I'm his damn mom. I don't have to explain shit to him. If he ever finds out, I will deal with it then. If he finds out, I will tell him that I had to do what I had to do so that he could have the best. There is nothing I won't do to put food on my kid's table; nothing I won't do to keep a roof over his head. So you aren't going to sit here in my face and judge me for that. You can get the (bleep) out of my (bleeping) face for real. Don't ever talk to me again. I swear it..." the TV personality continued on for a while. The powerful words in the message started to lose some of its effects after so many f-bomb. She ranted and talked over the man who attempted to slut shame her into feeling like a horrible mother because one day her son would know what she did to be his provider. I don't remember everything about that scene. I remembered that much of it because The General heckled along to it intently.
"You damn right! You don't have to explain nothing." She turned and looked at me, "He is wrong baby. That woman is a mother and he doesn't know what she has going on. You don't do that. People should mind their own business if it has nothing to do with them. He shouldn't have said that to her. He was wrong for that."
"I think he is just saying she could get a different job mom." I said trying to make sense of it for her. As if she had missed the message or something.
"Girl please. Yea maybe she could have. But she is a mother. A mother will do anything to take care of her children. It's hard out here." The General said as she continued to watch the friction unfold. She even got misty eyed. She shook her head as the man said degrading comments toward the mother of one.
Being a single mother of four children was hard on my mother, especially since she did all the "right" things in life before having them. She went to college, met her husband, and married before starting her family. Life's tricky toss and turns will always render you helpless. With patience one can learn to bend and not break under extraordinary circumstances. She used to work for an insurance company but after a big move to Louisiana she changed her career path and became a nurse that worked nights. She had four children while going to school to be a nurse and still worked. Life became interesting and different during that transition in our lives.
Every time I think I may break during my own times of adversity, I remember her and what seemed like an effortless example of doing all that it takes to provide for her family. Eventually, the tension subsides and I bend to the will of the circumstances before me.
She was a nurse at the time that we watched the show and I could only imagine what she was thinking as this woman cried on television. Dabbing at her eyes she shook her head and went to her room. As I reflect on that moment, I am reminded that my mother is still not a fan of reality television. Instead, she is a devoted lover of fiction/fantasy novels and television. One of her favorite movies is Imitation of Life.
I remember being in elementary school, sitting and playing with Barbie, when my mom first introduced the movie to me. She told me to put the dolls down and to come with her to watch that movie. She explained that she had watched it with her mother, and it was my turn to watch it with mine. If you aren't familiar with the movie, there was a woman who worked as a maid her entire life to provide the best possible life she could for her daughter. The daughter was embarrassed by her mother's job and ungrateful. She was genuinely angry for who her mother was. By the end of the movie I was in tears. Even at a young age I realized that having a loving parent was a true gift.
The daughter lost her mother before she had the opportunity to tell her she was sorry and that she loved her. Her mother died with a broken heart.
Fast forward. I am a mother now and I get it. I get the tears my mother had and the struggles that go along with being a provider and a role model. I understand the plight of the PARENT in a world full of criticism in a society with very few tangible solutions; especially when you are "playing by the rules." No matter what you can't help the hand you are dealt. I understand the tears that come with studying, instead of cuddling with your children and holding on to their every word; I understand the look a child gives you when they want your undivided attention but you have to start that second job or else you guys aren't gonna make it to the next month. I understand the pain you feel when you get in late from work and you haven't seen the reason you work so damn hard all day because they fell asleep before you got home. I understand how people unintentionally lose themselves in work while trying to be providers and flip out when they get home because of unappreciative smart mouthed comments or ungrateful behavior. I understand how children grow an ache of longing for their parents to be around for everything but if their parent doesn't sleep for their night evening job or second job then the children don't eat. I completely understand how people would think that stripping would be the easy way out for fast cash but I dare you dear readers to ask yourself if having other human beings question your self respect is an easy thing to do or deal with.
Motherhood is something I understand now. Those moments are some that some women have the privilege of never experiencing. Other mothers find moments where their backs are against the wall and in quiet desperation they affirm that their is nothing they won't do to make sure their children have a better life. The early morning grind and the late night oil burning; the furnace tempting your God given mold to crack and succumb to the heat of life. Mothers I hope your children grow up to thank you and love you no matter your sacrifices.
In the meantime, let's not sling mud and soil our own garments in the process of child rearing because essentially it will only lead us all to stripping ourselves bare to face our own naked truths.
