Caffeine Please!
“I need some damn coffee!” I think randomly as a side note to self. It is hot in the car but it isn't outside. Aggravated by it all I crack my window to catch a breeze. The air is crisp with a chilling breeze and it’s sunny out. Finding moments where I can write and draw is getting harder with the children’s schedule but I choose to push forward and not dwell in that thought.
The scenery outside is precious. I am watching fathers coach. No where to sit so I watch and type from the car. I’m going to kill some birds with some stones today. I saw the coaches lay out the bases all while noticing the field we have the children practicing on today. The field is clear of debris and the grass freshly manicured. I always thought that baseball fields looked pretty. I played softball in high school but it was not my sport of choice. I ran track. My children and husband, however, are great at the game. Now there is a special place in my heart for the game forever.
The Mutineer pounds the glove and positions himself just right, just like dad and big brother showed him. Fielding ground balls and being stubborn simultaneously is something of a scene to watch. It is hard to work with someone so young and willful. The Mutineer is no longer a baby, but desperately clings to his baby hood. There appears to be a struggle to keep controlling his parents' will because he used to get away with murder when he was smaller. Yet I watch him want to do everything his older brother does. Often forging his independence into existence even when all we want to do is help him button his shirt so that we can leave the house on time. Jeez three-nager make up your mind already.
Thanking God that today we are right on schedule. First we went to the Terrorist’s basketball game, now baseball practice for both of them, and then finally a slumber party for them, while their dad and I get a date night with friends at a house warming in another city.
Months like these sneak up on us. It's a lot. We are tired as hell. It is worth it. It is a great kind of tired to be.
We are tired because daily we are busting our asses to make the shortest ends granted to a normal family in America meet. Daily, we hustle with one car to our drop off points. First, the Terrorist gets picked up for school. Second, I get dropped off for work. Third, the Mutineer gets dropped off for day care. Then off to work my husband goes. We ask for very little from one another. We stretch out conversations in the car. Day to day is thoroughly exhausting when we find ourselves lunch dating for 30 minutes during a car swap because it looks like one of us have an evening that will run later than expected. We work hard for 8 hours then rush off to provide our kids with an activity so they wont be attached to the television or a video game everyday. If we don't have weekend games or practices we find a restaurant, a park, or museum to show the children. Hey parents, it was the most amazing feeling to pack a meal and watch my sons fly kites for free while we watched ships pass by on a bluff.
At the end of today and every day of this week this month, we’ve been tired. But, we are tired from sacrificing daily for our children to have their needs met, we are tired because we are attempting to provide our family with some sense of a life style, we are tired because we are attempting to chase our dreams when we could be sleeping.
Again its a good tired. The un-regrettable kind. Even now when I look up from my keyboard and I catch a glimpse of the Mutineer attempting a swing at a ball and finally nailing it. I get to see his smile, his celebration, and his thumbs up in my direction because he knows for a fact, I’m watching.
Jades Dewalt said ‘...sleep deprivation is physically miserable and creatively cathartic, as internal landscapes rise up from their dormant ashes’
I accept the rare Phoenix that dwells deep within me!
