The Depression Manifesto:

By A Father Who is Trying

          I'm just a Father trying to make life better than what he had. My life as a child was wonderful. Much to my surprise, providing the same life nor my children is different from what I expected. It's hard! You grow up up in this world thinking life is euphoric. Only to find out that things aren't always what they seem. My wife and I got married in our late to mid 20's with dreams of six-figured salaries and a house with a backyard. Boy were we wrong!

          You see, individual expectations are just that. The hand that you're dealt isn't always the set of cards that you can slap down on the table.

          Last week I took a two day absence from work because I just couldn't face reality. I was depressed! It's finally admissible.

          My drinking finally superseded my drive. I just got tired of the feeling I felt inside. Juggling a career, marriage and children was just too much weight on my shoulders. I had been doing it so well. Finally, I felt overwhelmed. 

          I called my wife from my hotel room crying. The feeling that I let everyone down couldn't escape my consciousness. Oftentimes, no matter how hard I've worked to prove myself worthy, I feel like the position I'm in isn't for me; I don't deserve it. There wrong in my life has finally seemed to be catch up with me.

           It's never a bad thing to admit to someone that you just can't handle "it". Two sets of daycare expenses, insurance premium costs, bills and an oft-put social life will drive a man to the brink of the abyss.

           Our anniversary is approaching and after the flood I just couldn't give my wife what I thought she deserved. I normally go above and beyond but this year appears we're beyond delusions of grandeur. 

          The "World" is hard to give and it's just some shit we seem to promise our significant others in hopes for a few smiles.

          I learned about what love languages really meant that day. And I just hope she heard me talking...