Believe me or not, before puberty, I could sing. Probably like every child can. I even sang for a few weddings. Now a day, I sound like a chicken coming home to roost. Sometimes I find myself in the shower with my middle finger closing my ear much like the renowned diva Mariah Carey, only sounding like a "dried mouth Mimi", singing to my heart's content. I live in America where "anything" is possible so I belt out my tone deaf notes and let the shower head act as my microphone and let her rip (everyone's ear drums that is). I do this until my three year old terrorist bangs on the bathroom door and shouts for me to,

          "Stop screaming mommy, please!"

          My Darling Terrorist can't appreciate my lack of talent.

          Afterward, I get out of the shower and think childishly of a time when I believed in "The American Dream." I reminisced about a time when I lived in St. Louis.

          On a crisp autumn evening, after the sun set, I sat on our front porch and sang Whitney Houston's song, I Will Always Love You.

          We lived in front of The Botanical Gardens. There are concerts held there on a regular basis. During concerts, we could never find a place to park in front of our home. Patrons of the concerts eagerly stole them from the residents. I whole heartedly believed, like on a movie, someone (specifically some sort of talent scout and Botanical Gardens patron) would walk down my street and discover my talent. I would end up a child star and be whisked away from that porch. From there I would go on to live in Hollywood, sing, become an actress, and then transition into writing movies or plays.

          I'm sure you all are laughing by now. I had it all figured out as most children my age at the time did. I knew the "American Dream" would come true because that's what America was. The land of the free. People moved here to fulfill its promises.

          I would give anything, do you understand, anything to believe that with the same passion I had as a child again.

          I grew up to be a realist. I should fill in the onomatopoeia response that may go with the facial expression of my readers. What does that supposed to mean right? Being a realist isn't always great. It can stifle your ability to dream or even worse, it can prevent you from figuring out how to achieve a dream.

           I often wonder, due to my realness, where I went wrong with most of my dreams? Did I give up singing because I had no talent or did I give up because someone told me I didn't. Everyone knows what is given to you as a gift can be taken away if you don't use it.

          I was really great friends with a guy that was more of a realist than I was. I thought we were becoming best friends and mistakenly shared my dream of becoming an actress with him.

           "You won't be an actress." He said disenchanted. He had also shared a fact that I was not light skinned and no where near as beautiful or popular as the women he adored on campus. So why did I think someone would even pay attention to me?" Goodness, the negativity, the "realness".

          "Really? How can you say that to me? How can you be sure of that? You never even saw me perform." The nerve of this kill joy. He shat on my dreams. In that moment he stole my joy and took America right from the palm of my hands and told me it wasn't real.

          "It's a dumb dream of being famous that everyone has and only 1% of the population makes it. You're not doing it now, which means you'll probably never do it. Besides if you were good enough you would have made it by now already or at least be in the industry. Face it. You can't act. You're not that kind of pretty anyway."

          I know you're dying to know how I reacted. No I didn't curse him out. However, I made sure he hated me when I was done. I did the only thing I knew to do as a hard woman at the time. In my mind, I broke that son of a bitch. We ended up disagreeing about something or another and I used it as my opportunity to unload an arsenal on his insecurities. I exposed my inner terrorist. I strapped on a helmet and went crashing into him with crude and rude behavior whenever I saw fit. I would laugh when I saw him with contempt, as if there were an evil plot against him that I only knew about. He confessed to my roommate once that I bullied him and tormented him so badly that when he saw me coming he would avoid me at all cost. Haha! I once thought. I was victorious. If I would never receive fame in his eyes then infamy would just have to do.

          Now, why would I share such a story you ask? Why do I share any? That moment stuck with me because it was a bench mark in my life. I allowed another person to affect me so much that I believed them and changed my dream and behavior. His approach stole the last bit of hope I had left in my dream for myself and it devastated me. Of course being a hard ass, I wouldn't just say it or show it.

          In the past I would have said something more negative to promote my thoughts on the matter 'He was not a TRUE friend or REAL friends don't...' I have cut that crap out. He is human and said what he thought would help me get over something that he genuinely thought would waste my time. Now that I'm spiritually more mature and not a kid seeking happiness I see it for what it was. His opinion sought to limit my scope because he was limited in his. You can't hate someone for not believing in you or not doing for you what you need to do for yourself. Believe in yourself and don't seek other's opinions for affirmation. It will only delay and hold you back. He really thought he was helping me. I bet he never knew why I was so mean to him and ended our friendship later over something so petty. I bet he doesn't even remember telling me that and never knew that he hurt my feelings once. I will just be looked at as this crazy girl with the sinister laugh. Or maybe not even remembered at all.

          Instead of staying positive and chipping away at all that I wanted, I believed him and hated him for the change I allowed him to make in me. I gave up.

          It was not just him but many situations of others feelings about me that allowed me to become angry and more aggressive because I was unknowingly allowing other people to define who I was. Defending myself to negativity made me more negative and draining. It turned me into a Nay Sayer as well. When my dream died and I saw "America" for what it was, it killed my positive energy that I felt was my duty to share with the world. I have had to fight to find the positive space in my mind and ultimately become joyful ever since.

          So I will share what I have learned and pray that I can share some "realness" and preserve for others what really needs to be understood when vying for success in this world. Never ever let anyone tell you what you can do. Never ever let any other person steal your joy and change you no matter the magnitude of the circumstances. Often times, people use others as a looking glass, and will project their hate or doubt in their selves off on others.

          I have had many circumstances and some were way more drastic than the ones that I am willing to share but they do not and will never define who I am. They do not define you either. People are afraid of great people and great things because life has trained them not to dream and speak their life into fruition. The power of your words are infinite. I have watched myself become exactly what I said I would be with only the will from above. It is literal to speak and will your life into a better place. Had I never let a Nay Sayer make me believe those things about myself, had I taken those words and used them positively to figure out my next moves to propel myself forward instead of drowning myself and mood with another person's negative spirit there is no telling what I could have achieved. For anyone who says that you cannot do something, take it as a lesson to quite simply keep your aspirations to yourself. Write down your dreams, post it everywhere you do work as reminders and motivation for yourself, research ways to get there, and don't receive another person's feelings about themselves that they may attempt to project onto you. You are as great as you believe!

The dopeness that dwells within is a sin to those that never seek things higher

Dreams can't be recognized if you never aspire

Dreams are only differed by those that cage their mind

Those who can't see the sunshine are sometimes willingly blind.

A Dream differed depends on circumstances

If you open your eyes to them, you'll see multiple chances

Success isn't on mistake but a motto for those that failed to give up

Challenges last a while but due diligence always triumphs